Wooo-ee! Billy-Bob here! Did you our good ol’ boy Ken up thar on the Hill again today talkin’ about what happened when he went out and bought Merrill Lynch? Damn iffin are neighbor didn’t look like a Coon up a tree with a bunch ah hound dawgs a yappin’ and ascratchin down below. Cept wasn’t no dawg there but this little piss-ant fella from O hi o Nama Kuncinich wit a whole bunch ah question written by some damn lawyer designed to do nuttin but get good ol’ Ken on the record so that they can come after him later fo’ lying to Congress bout who the hell knows what and who the hell cares. I think this Kuncinich boy—or whatever his name be—lives in Cleveland, which shows you how smart he is; All kinds of people be FROM Cleveland but hell, I don’t know nobody who still LIVES there!
Anyway it seems that when our Ken be going after Merrill, the damn situation there and everywhere was goin’ down faster than a man comin’ out of a bedroom winda when the husband come home early. Now ever-damn-body in the world it seems wants to know what Ken knew and when did he know it. And if he knowed Merrill was riper than a two day cow paddy in August, why the hell didn’t he back out? Seems that this deal had what these boys was callin’ a MAC attached to it. Now I’m askin’ my self what in hell does a hamburger got to do with buyin’ a bank but it turns out it aint that kind of MAC. No siree, this here MAC is a Material Adverse Change Clause which I guess lets you walk away if stuff happens. So the question was why didn’t you walk away Ken, but it turns out that the #1 revenuer—some boy by the name of Paulson and this here Bernanke guy plus the guy who’s the head revenuer now, that be Geithner, said un uh. Seems like they said to our boy Ken: “Ken, now you listen up, you hear? It may be material and it may be adverse, but IT AIN’T MATERIALLY ADVERSE! Well, I’ll tell you whats the truth; you in this business and those sorts start tellin’ you to jump, I figger the onliest thing you better be thinkin’ ‘bout is where the hell you gonna land when you come down…IF you come down. So poor ol’ Ken and his boys figgure these guys got us by the shorts so we better do what they want and they go ahead and buy the damn thing. ‘Corse in a month or two they gotta write down some hellacious amount of money so they wind up with the whole world and then some pissed off to all get-out.
Well, that would be bad enough but it seems that the piss-ant and all of his buddies not only want a piece of Ken but they wants a piece of everybody else too! All of a sudden they realize that they don’t know who to get ‘cause the politics are a little mixed up here. Other thing be if they get this Bernanke guy they might wind up with some fella named Summers who ‘parentky pisses off HALF the world jest by wakin’ up in the morning. But they stay at it and ask Ken if he felt at all in-tim-a-dated by the revenuers. I’ll be damned if Ken don’t take a bullet right then and there!!! Didn’t say he wasn’t but didn’t say was neither. Now I got me this Eye-talian friend who would call Ken a stand-up guy. Meebe he’s right but could be that he ain’t too bright either. It didn’t go well fo’ Ken but what saved him was that most of those boys along for the ride with the piss-ant were as thick as two fence posts and where I comes from, THAT’S THICK. Anyway I got this here friend of mine who be livin’ in the mid-west somewhere and knows something ‘bout this. I’m gonna give him a call and find out what he thinks happened. Damned if I can figger it out.